Friends, Lovers and the Big Terrible Thing: The powerful memoir from the beloved star of Friends

Wow! For many years I'd heard that Matthew Perry had had serious problems with drugs and alcohol, but I was absolutely stunned by the intimate revelations contained in this audiobook. By any logic, Perry's substance abuse should have killed him by now: his twin addictions to liquor and opiates should have ended his life many years ago. It's an absolute miracle that the TV and movie star has made it to 53 years of age. Fortunately, Perry has survived for long enough to write and record this brilliant memoir. I found this audiobook to be utterly compelling: I listened to it all in just two days. This memoir is really two books in one. At one level it chronicles the life of a wannabe Canadian actor who migrates to Hollywood as a teenager and ends up living the American Fantasy, staring in the most commercially successful sit-com ever and making many millions of dollars. But on another level it's the sad and appalling tale of a deeply damaged human being who spends decades battling with his crippling addictions. This level was for me the most interesting. The book begins in 2018, when Matthew Perry experienced the worst day of his life. While living in a rehabilitation facility with his female "sober companion" Perry suddenly experiences crippling stomach pains. The actor instantly realises that something is seriously wrong. After defying the facility's staff, who believe the actor is just faking it as an excuse to leave and get high, Perry is rushed into a local hospital by his companion. While there, his colon "explodes" and he ends up in a two-week induced coma. He will eventually be required to wear a colostomy bag for months. The colon problem was caused, of course, by his drug and alcohol addictions. It's this incident that finally causes Perry to for-once-and-for-all confront his demons. Perry then takes us back to his childhood, which is, of course, the cause of all his troubles. Soon after Perry's 1969 birth in Massachusetts to a Canadian mother and an American Father, the future actor's parents relocate to Ottawa, Canada, where Perry spends his next 15 years. Sadly, Perry's parents divorce before their child's first birthday and the father decides to return to the United States. John Perry heads for Hollywood, hoping to make it big as an actor. Back in Canada, Matthew Perry leads an unremarkable life: he's an average student but does become a decent tennis player, good enough to be ranked nationally. He has his first drink at 14 and instantly falls in love with alcohol. His mother remarries and has four children with her new husband. Matthew now becomes the outsider in the new family unit; he also begins to argue bitterly with his mother. The foundations of his self-destructive life have been laid. Aged 15, Perry decides to join his father in California. He had been routinely visiting John from the age of 5, always travelling alone as an "unaccompanied minor" because his parents couldn't stand the sight of each other. Perry is traumatised by those long, lonely flights to this day, he states. The unhappy child being shuttled back and forth across the North American continent grows up to be the unhappy adult who feels unlovable and who is terrified of commitment. Like many thousands of others who go to Hollywood, Matthew Perry decides that one day he is going to be rich and famous and even kneels down and prays to God for it to happen. For some reason Perry believes that fame and money will fill the "hole" inside him. Later, he discovers that it absolutely won't. After years of minor roles and failed projects, in 1994 Perry finally hits the big time with Friends. Suddenly, he and his 5 other co-stars are the most famous faces on television. But his life soon begins to fall apart. After a minor accident Perry quickly develops an addiction to prescription opiates, which, coupled with his long-term dependency on alcohol, causes his life to spiral out of control. Soon, his ability to lead anything remotely like a normal existence is severely affected. Perry's weight fluctuates and he is reduced to filming his movies and TV shows between stints in rehab. At one point he has to abandon the shooting of a film because he is too sick with his addictions. Like I stated earlier, this memoir is really two books in one. Perry's recollections provide a fascinating insight into the American entertainment world of the Eighties, Nineties and beyond. The unknown Perry of the pre-Friends days scrambles around Hollywood looking for any acting work while drinking and partying with his young buddies. At times he and his pals are down to their last few dollars. But when mega-fame comes, jealousies quickly emerge. One of Perry's closest friends abandons him and he doesn't see him again for two years. Perry also senses resentment from his own father. And just how much luck played a part in Perry winning the role of Chandler Bing will amaze you. But the addiction part of the book is fascinating too. Sometimes this memoir reads like an odyssey of rehabilitation institutions. Perry has travelled from as far Switzerland to Utah and all over the US in his search for a cure to his problems. The actor estimates that he has spent in excess of 7 million US dollars on therapy and his stays at various rehabilitation units. He is very bitter at this, at one point questioning their usefulness and railing against their greed. His illness has cost him a considerable chunk of his fortune. The book ends on a positive note. At the time of finishing the writing of the memoir, in early 2022, Perry has been clean for some time. He has even managed to kick smoking after his doctor warned him that he was risking developing emphysema by the age of 60. The actor still lives with the sober companion and spends much of his time helping other addicts and campaigning for better understanding and help for other people with substance abuse problems. Sadly, Perry has never married nor had any children. The actor's chronic inability to commit to a woman is highlighted throughout the book. Over-and-over-again during his adult life he has dumped girlfriends, convinced that they were about to leave him anyway. The agony of being abandoned by a woman is something his delicate psyche just can't cope with, and so he won't risk it. He even dumped Julia Roberts! This self-loathing is the key to understanding Perry's addictive personality: he just doesn't love himself enough. This is a superb memoir. It's brutally honest and very insightful. Worryingly, Perry's voice on the audiobook is that of an old, weary man. The actor sounds like someone in his seventies rather than a person of just 53. And recent pictures of Perry are shocking: he looks nothing like the beautiful young screen performer who was a heartthrob to millions of girls in the Nineties and the early part of this century. The drugs and alcohol have taken a devastating long-term toll on his health. But at least he's still alive.

Friends was a massive part of my early adult life, as I am sure it was for most of us. I religiously watched every episode as it came out and loved all the characters equally. It was a great show with the best kind of friendships and I’m sure we all wished we could be in their shoes. Through Matthew’s autobiography, he shows that even with money and fame, it can’t buy happiness and love. If you are hoping for a book filled with lovely snippets from Friends, then you will be disappointed. Yes, there are mentions but this book is about Matthew’s addictions and fighting his demons. We are taken through his younger years to adulthood. Having fairly high profile parents who divorced in his younger years, seems to have had Matthew craving attention. It was sad to read how important it was for him to always be the funny guy and make people laugh. It’s as if he was performing constantly. His addictions started with alcohol, smoking and then drugs which made for some emotional reading. Again, even with all his money and the therapy, he spent years battling to try and gain some control over it. I love his honesty throughout and it can’t have been easy to open up to this scale. I never realised how close he came to death numerous times and the amount he was drinking, smoking as well as drugs that he abused his body with daily. It made for some scary and heartbreaking reading. It saddened me seeing how much he wanted a normal life, to get married and to have a family and of course, in the end, he never did find it. In the aftermath of Matthew Perry’s death, this is a great insight into his life and that of an addict. I hope it helps others that are dealing with addiction and hopefully they find the help they need and what works for them. It was inspiring to read of how much he does for other addicts whilst still facing daily battles himself. His relationships with high profile ladies somehow made it even more sobering as again, he just seemed to be on self destruct. Thank you Matthew for all the laughs you gave us, I just wish you could have found the happiness that you brought us over the years.

Overall, I loved reading this however it was a tad repetitive. I thought there was going to be more on friends but it’s mainly about “the big terrible thing”, which is still interesting to read about but it’s just not quite what I was expecting. Still a great read though and I would definitely recommend it.

Having almost grown up with Matthew Perry and being of similar age, I was vaguely aware of his trials and tribulations with addictions, and due to his recent untimely death thought I would pick this up and give it a read. I hadn’t read any reviews or had any preconceptions of this book, it was just one of those Quick Look for a new book and quick select and buy . The book itself is heart warming in places and heart breaking in others, full with bitter sweet moments. And I have to say is written in a strange format , sometimes it can be a little hard to follow time lines etc. It feels like a person in absolute turmoil just pouring out his feeling and thoughts , troubles and tribulations In a way that comes across that this book was not a way to write his story but was actually a part of his own therapy and you can almost feel the release of all his hurt and troubles onto the page. It’s not well written, well edited or produced, however this adds to the charm that as you progress through the book you can feel his troubled life unfold. His battle of all things addictive is absolutely brutal at times and his rollercoaster ride of fighting this is evident all the way through, and the sad thing is towards the end of the book you feel his is winning and that he is starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, which we all now know isn’t the case due to his untimely death. If you are thinking this book might be fully of giggles, you won’t find much of it here, the odd wry smile perhaps. But this book is insightful of a person with chronic addiction and proof that money and fame can’t buy you happiness. After reading this it’s very apparent I thought I knew about Matthew Perry it was actually his character “ Chandler “ I knew and it shows our perception of who we see on screen can be totally different to the person behind the mask. A truly interesting biopic and worth the read

A very good book. I wanted to rate this book 4.5 stars but for me it definitely deserves a round up instead of down. If you are expecting a funny book, you might be dissapointed. There is some dark humour to take away some of the darkness Matthew Perry has faced. The shines a light the much misunderstanding disease that is addiction. The only complaint I had about this book is that it jumps around time periods a lot. For me it makes it a bit hard to follow, that is the only reason I considered taking a star off. I was not the biggest Friends fan, but it was almost impossible not know about it. I was always drawn to Chandler Bing. It was probobly him being the funny guy trying to fit in to the cool crowd, snd me bring the weird guy trying to fit in anywhere. They say certain actors are born to play certain characters, as it is their natural personality dialed up to 11. In this case Chandler Bing is the toned down PG version of the real Matthew Perry. Perry is literally Bing on steroids. This a Perry's story, his family, friends, relationships, mistakes, redemptions and courage. Yes this book is about addictions, how dangerous and damaging they can be to someone. However Perry does not use his addictions as an excuse to his behaviour. He talks openly about his thought processes as he does what he did. He faces up to his mistakes and (makes md think) genuinely want to make amends for hus mistakes. He does fall a number of times but he does not stay down. This a great book, that I think will genuinely help people if only for them to know that are not the only ones facing addiction problems and not yo give up. This is not a behind the scenes book of Friends. There is no big cast gossip. This is a book about issues, courage and redemption.

This book was an ok read. It definitely wasn’t a book you can’t put down. In fact I had to struggle to reach the end as most of the book was about his battle with drink and drugs and all his relapses. This is a book that should be read by anyone who is thinking of taking drugs and what it will do to you. In Matthew’s case he really wasted his whole life. Quite honestly he doesn’t come across as a particularly nice person…constantly referring to the beautiful women he was able to bed and even going out with two beautiful women at the same time because he couldn’t resist either of them…and then wondering why he was always lonely (mainly because when he was dating a woman he was always on the lookout for a more beautiful one). The other thing is he thinks he is a funny guy but his book did not contain anything that even bought a slight smile to one’s face. There again, I’ve never met a drug addict who is happy and who has a sense of humour. Drugs make people miserable and ruin lives and this book succeeds in proving that.

Very, very personal insight into the very funny but also very sad life of Matthew Perry. I felt slightly disappointed when I first started it because his words came across as a bit of a pity party, blaming parents divorce, Dads drinking, feeling abandoned, child of famous parents, etc. Not that different from a lot of Hollywood stars. However, after the first couple of chapters, you start to feel more connected to Matthew, the person, and the pressure he and his friends felt to achieve fame, conquer Hollywood and to feel successful and the price he inevitably paid for it. It’s such a terribly sad story to read. There is so much insight into what he was going through while filming Friends, it’s difficult to watch the reruns and not notice the weight changes, goatees and facial mannerisms that were telling a very different story than the light hearted sitcom portrayed. It’s actually not much fun to watch Friends anymore, now that I’ve discovered how much pain “Chandler Bing” was really in.

A great insight of this actors life from his childhood to his hard battles against drugs and drink. Written not long before his death. RIP Matthew Perry

It is one of the best books to read to understand what happens behind addiction, and find a way to see the human behind.

Good

There are some books you want to look through the reviews before you decide if you want to pick it up or not, then there are others you just want to read for yourself. Matthew's book was one that I wanted to read for myself. Though in looking through the reviews now that I have finished it, I realize either someone loves it or does not, there is no in-between it seems. Before I write any more of my review - I want to point out that I am 99.9% certain I read a Kindle version that was edited to remove whatever there was about Keanu. So if someone is reading my review wondering why I don't mention it, I cannot comment on what I did not read. --- One more observation, from the reviews I did look through, it seems that most people who *listened* to the book disliked it more than those who *read* it. Seems listening to it make it more difficult to follow the already jumping timeline. Again, just my observation. From the beginning Matthew tells us how this story is going to be written/told. How? you ask? "Groundhog Day" is his favorite movie, do I really need to say anything more? If you do not understand this reference, please take the time (1 hour and 40 minutes) to watch the 1993 classic movie with Bill Murray and Andie MacDowell. Then perhaps more things will make sense for you. Thankfully I have never been an alcoholic or an addict, however, I have known several in my life. For them every day is groundhog day. Every morning the question of, "How will I get through today without a drink/pill/smoke/etc." makes every 24 hours the same. Matthew shows that in spades with his repetition throughout his story. Many of the reviews I saw complained about the repetition; if they don't understand it, perhaps they should count themselves lucky not to. To have never known someone who lives every day like this; or to not be that person themselves. Matthew's story didn't end all sunshine-and-rainbows with a happily every after. Not everyone's does. I appreciated the fact that he kept it real. That he kept it honest. That he shows his faults to us just as much as he shows us the goodness. Life isn't always polished and pretty no matter who you are or how much money you have. Matthew proves that. No matter how bad things seemed to be for him, Matthew always looked to his future, he always wanted to be there. Perhaps not always for the right reasons, but reasons that kept him moving forward nonetheless. There is something to be admired about that. Interestingly, one of my favorite lines reads, "God looked down on me, just waiting it out. He's got all the time in the world. F*<k, he invented time." There is something raw and honest and scary and funny in those words that just made me stop reading and literally highlight it in my Kindle book. Follow that with another line I highlighted that reads, "It was an amazing moment and a terrible moment all at at the same time." Talk about defining life most days. Perhaps not Pulitzer winning writing, but powerful and truthful just the same. I have to say my all-time favorite sentence is this one - "God is everywhere - you just have to clear your channel, or you'll miss it." Doesn't matter what version of God you believe in, that sentence has a profound truth to it. (That one got highlighted in pink) Not something I would have expected from Matthew. But I am grateful he wrote it. I am easily giving this book all five stars for it's raw honesty, it's openness, it's imperfectness. Just like Matthew. Yes, I finally read his story after his sudden death on October 28, 2023. As I'm writing this on November 24, 2023, his cause of death still has not been determined nor released. Which makes one last sentence stand out for me in a premonition kind of way as I wonder what COD will turn out to be... Matthew himself wrote, "I could have a cigarette right now, have a heart attack, and if no one was around to call 911, I was a goner." Well, he was home alone, and he did try to call 911 himself, but he was unable to save himself this time. Oh, Matthew. I wonder if you have finally found peace and all the deep, full Love you have always desired. Thank You for leaving a light on for us with your story. I pray it helps more people so that you may continue helping people even after you've gone on ahead of us in death.

يحتوي ٨ سيديات مش واحد بسمعه قريب.. الكاتب ممثل في مسلسلي المفضل وعندي فضول اسمع قصته ماكنت اعرف كان يعاني حتى اثناء فترة التصوير ويمثل انه طبيعي ولا احد كان حاس شيء محزن الله يحسن خاتمتنا

I am a fan of Friends and Perry. Getting to know more about his life has taught me more about the actor, the man, but also helped me reflect on my life as well, at different levels, but the book is written in such a simple way that it was easy for me to draw parallels with my own person/life. The book made me go through all sorts of emotions and this is how I define a good book.