The Language of Emotions: What Your Feelings Are Trying to Tell You: Revised and Updated

All too often we categorize our emotions into good ones and bad ones. In Karen McLaren's book, the Language of Emotions, And What Your Feelings Are Trying To Tell You, we learn that all emotions are good, and each and every one of them is trying to tell you something. To push down any emotion will only bring it up in ways that can be less than helpful. In the end, our bodies and our psyches will pay the price. In the fascinating book, McLaren goes through each emotion, one at a time, and it's sister emotion, to show us what each emotion is trying to tell us, and what healing that emotion will bring to us if we allow it. I'll show with one emotion, how McLaren goes through each one, delving deeply into each emotion to show us exactly what she means. "Grief--the deep river of the soul Gifts--Complete immersion in the river of all souls The Internal Questions--What must be mourned? What must be released completely? Signs of Obstruction--Unwillingness to accept or honor loss, death or profound transitions. Practice--Stop, drop everything, and ask your internal question. When the river of the soul takes your weight until itself, you can release that which has died into the next world so that you may live more fully in this one." It's so easy to get stuck in grief. Our western society doesn't have wailing and renting of clothes, 3 day funerals, the body in the parlor, as some other cultures do where grief is a full-on contact sport. We keep children away from death, and as McLaren points out, if we don't grieve properly, with enough tears to send our loved one off to the other world, along with rituals that give us closure, we might end up being haunted by our dead. I've read in some books that our dead might not know they're dead if it's sudden, maybe a big production of grief and then closure, can help our dead be on their way. Maybe we wouldn't need a uniquely American show like Ghost Whisperer, if we knew how to show our ghosts that they truly have left us. McLaren also points out that if we don't go through all 3 steps of an emotion, we can become stuck. With grief, we can get stuck and want to relive death over and over again with horror movies, which might explain our fascination with death. And if we don't make room for death in our lives, we can't make room for life. We can't welcome in our children to this life because it's too crowded with our ghosts. Our society certainly doesn't make a show of honoring children when we don't put their welfare, and schooling as the number one things on our national agenda. In fact, we spend more on our national defense than anything else. Is this because we're so afraid to die? If we could know that death is not dying, but a doorway to another world, maybe we could lose our fear, and start taking care of the living amongst us. We would honor our elderly who are soon to make the transition to another world. We wouldn't spend millions keeping bodies alive beyond when it's wise to do so. This is a truly thought-provoking book, and wise beyond its mere words.

Hi Karla, For the first time in my life, I started getting stress hives that covered my body and lasted a full month. I didn't want to be on antihistamines indefinitely, and they persisted even when I didn't feel stressed. Oddly enough, I believe this was due to meditation practices that inadvertently led to repression. There's a lot of well-intentioned but misinformed self-help out there that can actually worsen stress. Your book has been the most transformative I've ever read. I admit, the first time I read it, my logical side worried about small aspects—I pride myself on my intellectual side and am probably a bit too logical. However, on the whole, it resonated with me in ways no other book has. I gave myself partially to this book, and then I felt the changes. I realized I hadn't been truly at peace for years. I keep rereading it, and each time, I evolve slightly, give myself more to it's teachings and absorb new bits of wisdom that I wasn't ready for before. It has been over two months since my hives started. They are still present but are now much smaller and intermittent. I am finally healing. They subside when I relax and take a break. With the help of anti-inflammatory foods and your book, they are steadily improving. I am grateful for my hives, as they led me to this book. I am also deeply grateful to you, the sage who wrote this life-changing book. Because of your work and love for others, I now welcome discomfort and conflicting debates within myself and with others, as it brings us closer and fosters understanding. I have always been a very healthy, fit, and disciplined person, even with my phone use and bedtime routine. I still am, but now I'm finally experiencing glimpses of emotional peace, and it is making all the difference. Karla, if you ever read this, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Those around me thank you too. My deepest regards. I look forward to doing the workbook. By the way, I *never* comment and *rarely* review, but this was necessary. Sincerely, Fei

The author has gone in depth into this subject, and has come up with her own unique techniques for both respecting and handling our emotions. She tackles this subject from a unique perspective: all our emotions, even the so-called "bad" ones (anger, rage, jealousy, etc.) are valid, she states. She argues that whatever we think about these emotions, they don't go away by being ignored. She details specific methods to recognize, to work through and to handle emotions that previously might have overwhelmed us. She argues that emotions are excellent indicators of our true selves wanting to be heard, and if we can recognize what they are trying to tell us (and she helps with the decoding process), we come to a place of self-knowledge, self-control and a sense of peace that we might never have imagined possible. She seems to come up with unique perspectives on some emotions that I have not come across before. I found it helpful in giving anger validation for me, as well as a unique insight as to its origination. I would say this book is helpful for everyone, as it is the only book I've ever seen which articulates negative emotions so well, and provides real resolution for them. Given the author's background (sexually abused as a child), I would say that she especially speaks to those adults from a similar experiential background. I myself am one of those, and found that the sources of certain emotions (eg anger originating from a sense of my boundaries having been violated) to be very relevant to me. It was a relief, to find at last, someone with an answer as to why I can suddenly flare up in some situations. At the same time, the book provides a pathway to handling and solving this dilemma (and many others) completely. Recommend.

Great book that has helped me tremendously with ironing out my emotions. The best part of this book is how she normalizes the "bad" emotions and helps you gain a more positive perspective on their function. I love my anger so much now because I know it helps me set my boundaries. I welcome my sadness with joy because I know it's there to help me let go of what's not serving me. I removed one star because it is a little long winded and written in a very methodical way. I enjoy things like this but it was hard to follow some of the analogies. I had to re-read certain parts a few times to understand what she was trying to say. I have the book and the audio version of this book and I've listened to certain parts multiple times, getting something new out of it every time. Thank you Karla!!!

The fact that I am writing a review of this book says a lot about how good it is (I have not written a book review in 10 years). This book really emphasizes how all of your emotions arise to help you, but we must try to understand the intelligence they are giving us. I will never have a negative view of any of my emotions ever again and I think I am become a more rational person by doing this. This book also helped me to see the dangers in not properly honoring all emotions. I never thought I would get through this book but now I am about to read it again for a second time. This is an excellent book !!!!

I always look at the negative reviews on everything just to kind of get a feel as you can tell and get the feel of something through the negative. Then I’ll look at the positive reviews and see what they say and kind of see if there’s a balanced perspective from both, I am glad I didn’t listen to the negative ones. This book and I’ve just dipped into it here and there, so far, has completely validated a lot of my experience and she gives you a map for our emotional world! As someone who does a lot of internal work this is invaluable. As someone who helps others get in touch with themselves, this is invaluable. Now, is everything completely right or true? No, but that’s part of being emotional intelligent and having the ability of discernment. So far, I don’t agree with burning all your contracts. Some of what she says to put into your contracts doesn’t need to be burned they often just need space and presence(love) and will eventually fall away on their own without you knowing it or re-integrate back into the wholeness of our being. So, she may not be as fully educated or familiar with trauma work as I’d like to see, but it’s the map of emotions that is invaluable within this book for me. I haven’t read very much of the first half of the book that negative comments point to going a bit to far yet(her experience). I’ve only gone to it to find more info that’s referenced in the breakdown of the emotions part and so far it’s been invaluable. Shes great at telling you what parts to go to in each part to look at the different branches of complexity she’s mapped out and I love it! From my experience a lot of what she’s pointing to is really difficult to convey to someone who hasn’t experienced any of it or whom is highly disassocitive or distracted within book form. It’s probably far more likely to throw people deeper into the experiences above and give them a bad or bland taste taste in their mouth, but if you’ve done a lot of internal work or are working with a trauma therapist or are a therapist interested in helping your clients delve into their emotional world I think this gives you a great map of it. Just remember you can’t help your clients if you haven’t done the work yourself. You can’t fake being grounded, focused and the ability to hang with others emotions/experience if you can’t do it for yourself. I am profoundly thankful for this book that came to me with perfect timing. I hope it does the same for you.

I am still in the midst of reading this book, but after digesting the information in the book I realize this information is truly groundbreaking in the area of emotional discovery. I don't think many other books come close to really getting to the heart of what bothers us in life and what prevents us from taking action in such a principled core way. This book really focuses on getting us to harness the abilities of ourselves to act, feel, think and dream in a balanced and consistent way in order to solve our imbalances and insecurities. When I read this book I think other self help gurus must be slapping their palms against their foreheads realizing what they've been missing in their instruction. This is not just a book you just rush through though, I find myself having to go back and re-learn and really learn how to develop the knowledge within me. This book does take a patient mindset as some of the exercises can take a while both to understand and for you to be able to assimilate them into your own lives. But this is definitely groundbreaking for those looking to understand just how to feel in relation to the world. If there is one complaint I would have about this book is that I don't think it truly points out that our imagination is not only for creative purposes it also allows us to visualize things that sometimes bother us and that allows us to truly separate the emotion we're feeling from the thought in a natural way and then we are able to logically look at the emotional thought. I think I've read over 150 books in the last 5 years and this one has already jumped to being in my top three! It really does cover so much without getting into a hundred different areas of things. If you want a truly principled foundation to start your psychological journey of discovery this book is it!

I hope Amazon restocks this book and offers free shipping on it again. I want to buy a dozen copies to give to everybody I know. This is an amazingly refreshing book on the subject of emotional intelligence. It literally flipped everything I have ever thought about emotions on its side and given me a way to embrace the messages that our emotions deliver. I particularly liked the second half of the book. The first half rambled a bit for me (but not so as to make me love it any less) and may have been a little repetitive but just the same it reinforced what was presented in the latter part of the book. I think every teacher in America and parent should read this book. The author's alternative background no doubt allowed her to access a depth of information about the true relevance of the emotional realm. In our predominantly intellectual society with our strong reliance on THINKING, this book reveals a truly unique perspective and the most valuable information to help us navigate the often confusing emotional terrain. I have never heard anywhere else someone describe the true value and gifts that our emotions bring to us and how to adeptly tune into them before they disrupt or erupt. It is a gem and a great book to have on your shelf as a reference book for anyone who coaches or counsels or is interested in human nature. Please restock soon Amazon!

This is a true handbook on Emotions' Management and Mastery. A very practical approach based on solid theory!

Como una persona con depresión y terapia, este libro me ha servido mucho para entender las emociones, cómo nacen, cómo se fusionan con los elementos que habitan en nuestro ser de tierra, fuego, aire y agua, cómo todo se conecta en lo físico y espiritual, la razón y el porqué de que todo está conectado y cómo funciona en nuestro interior. Los paradigmas con los que crecemos culturalmente y cómo romperlos para validar nuestras emociones y comenzar a sanar, me encanta que en cada capítulo trae ejercicios y tips para trabajar la tristeza, el estrés, la ansiedad, etc. Es un libro que recomiendo muchísimo.

An amazing book for anyone who wants to understand how to work with their emotions, and possibly thrive more than ever based on this new knowledge. This is something that hardly anybody is taught how to do, anywhere in the world, but it's vital skill for a happy and productive life! I'm still only in the first half of the book, but it's such an interesting read that I often read entire pages more than once just to absorb and remember significant passages with ease. And I'm already seeing an impact as I will sometimes recall something from the book when an emotion arises in my own daily life - I am able to look at it with more understanding and compassion than before, and I now understand what the emption is trying to tell me. This is amazing!!! I will update my review once I am done with the whole book. This is not a book that's meant for everyone, only for those who take responsibility for themselves and are into self development (so don't bother gifting it to someone who has no interest in taking responsibility for themselves. You can spot such people easily - blamers, shamers, manipulative people, bullies etc will never get the idea behind this book). But if you are a person who wants to understand the hidden but simple messages in each of your emotions, and how to effectively work with them so that they can help you navigate life, please do yourself a big favour and buy this book. Keep an open mind, read it slowly (rushing through the pages won't have the desired effect), and consider carefully all that you read - it is the easiest thing in the world to discount new ideas as rubbish, but we sometimes miss out on hidden treasures if we cannot entertain new possibilities. I also recommend checking out Karla McLaren's You tube channel where she has small videos on the same subject - these are a good aide to anyone reading this book, for me it's a further reinforcement of some wonderful ideas. I love her energy and how she puts her ideas forward, both in the book and her videos. In fact, watching the videos made me realise how happy and relaxed Karla seems compared to most people (despite having undergone tremendous trauma as a child), and she attributes this entirely to her understanding of her own deep and intense emotions - once she learnt how to work with them instead of suppressing or hating them, she blossomed into a serene and compassionate human being. I sure would love to be just as happy and relaxed in my own life, so I am excited to read the rest of the book! Honestly wish I had found this years ago, it would have changed my life.

I am loving this book that is beautifully written and amazingly interesting. I've already learned so much about myself and how to deal with my emotional roller coaster. This is a fascinating explanation with a new view about emotions

Had I had this book 25 years ago, my life would have been much more gratifying - I would have been a better mother and wife, but most of all I would have been better to myself. This is a "must read" book for everyone, given that our culture is forcing us to lose our primal language of emotions. The best part of this book is that it's actually a manual. It tells you exactly what questions to ask yourself to get to the bottom of what exactly you're feeling and why, and that, in turn, helps explain to you why you do the things you do. Read it, loved it and now I'll go back and reread it so that I can practice it.