Saga Tier I: The Highest Saga

**MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD, READ THEM SO YOU DON'T NEED TO WATCH THIS MOVIE**I have to make up term to describe this...turdmudgeon.Turdmudgeon -(turd-muhj-uhn) noun - the feces at the bottom of an overfilled port-o-potty.This is, in essence, what Saga Tier 1: The highest saga truly is. The smelliest, cantankerous, poop at the bottom of a poop barrel. No excuses this filmed failed on every level.Ninjas should never sell real estate! Oops spoiler alert, the lamest plot twist everyone saw coming. Eli Harris plays the ninja who seeks out revenge against the rising tide of the three man Yakuza. The dumb-dumb corrupt congressman/mob boss killed his brother with his bare hands instead of having someone do it for him. This can be explained since it seems he only has roughly 4 henchmen. If one goes to jail for murder what kind of a gang do you have... So I retract. The smartest corrupt congressman/mob boss of all time kills the ninja's brother. Why? Who knows, but I am assuming that it is because he had something to do with being involved in the movie, which is easily death worthy. It all relates back to the Yakuza, I am sure of it. Well its more of a guess since I couldn't actually hear the dialogue. My favorite part is when the background noise advances to plot, I was like wow what a daring move from the director. Its has to be that way...right? Since I can't hear the dialogue, background noise must be more important.HIS WIFE LEADS THE PRETEND YAKUZA!!! There I said it, a surprise you never would have guessed or cared about by the end of the movie. It all comes to the front after the gun battle without a single muzzle flash. Its impressive they were able to invent guns that fire without them. Bravo.When the ninja breaks necks I assume the x-ray of the neck are meant as flashbacks to him learning what anatomically occurs when a neck breaks. Because it certainly could not be a poor mans attempt at x-ray effects featured in movies like Romeo Must Die. That would mean that the film is just trying to capitalize on special effects the director has no idea how to do. All this lead to the most amazingly choreographed fight scenes. I am assuming they are the most amazing because rehearsals are what made the final cut, and early rehearsals at that. So I am stoked for the deleted scenes where we can see the final product. They must have just been too amazing to make the film.Bravo sirs for this cinematic turdmudgeon, I eagerly await "Turdmudgeon 2: Ninja copes with the sub prime mortgage crisis, with a kitana."

This movie was beyond terrible. A Britney Spears music video has better direction and story than this. I've had diarrhetic bowel movements that were more pleasurable than watching this movie. At least after that I can feel a little better. After seeing Saga Tier, all I felt was shame and an urge to stab myself in the foot. Only watch this if you enjoy ripping movies to shreds MST3K style. Trust me, you will have more than enough material to get by.*** I would like to add that I thought it would be funny to put a fake 5 star review up highlighting all that is stupid in this period stain of a movie with obvious scarasm, but I was afraid the 5 star rating would make Amazon bombard me with recommendations to buy other things like this movie since I "liked" it so much, such as toilet paper or ipecac syrup. I hope that conveys how awful it is. ***

Seriously, this is one of the worst movies of all times. I know people say that all the time about movies but this time, it is the truth. this movie for you if you like ninjas in terrible fight scenes, bad acting, bad dialog, a plot that can only be followed if you were on crack, a lame twist at the end that really does not make sense, background music that is louder than the already to quite spoken dialog and crazy effects that really do not work. oh yeah, did i mention that the main character sells real estate by day and runs around in plastic ninja suit pretending to be from Ninja Gaiden by night? If you can sit through the whole movie, you find out there will a sequel,God help us if this is true.