How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk

What a great, informational book.

A fabulous book! I recommend all of these to parents as a therapist.

This book works. It's hard to believe but if you read each chapter and do the exercises (for practice) and then try it out on your kids (or in my case, my kindergarten aged niece) -- it actually works! Here's an example: my niece was having a WWIII type of tantrum one day because her candy cane had broken in half. (It was Christmas time.) Her parents, older sister, grandma, everyone was telling her that it was no big deal, she can have another candy cane, it will still taste just the same, etc., anything to get her to see reason and calm down. It only made her fit worse. Things escalated. Her mother started shouting threats to send her to her room. Then - I tried something that I had read in the book: Let the child have the feelings she's feeling and let her know that she's having those feelings. So, I went over to her and said -- just like one of the book's exercises: "It's terrible. Your candy cane broke, and now it's not a perfect candy cane anymore. Even though it will taste the same, it's not a candy CANE anymore. I can see how upsetting it is, because it's not the perfect candy cane that it used to be."And boom - she completely calmed down. She sat next to me without saying anything, but I could tell, she was finally feeling what she was feeling -- rather than being upset and fighting to claim her right to feel what she was feeling, if that makes sense. And that was that. She stopped being upset and ate her broken candy cane.There are so many other examples like this -- the 'one word' tip, the 'describe it/don't tell them what to do' tip, the 'write a wish list together' tip... I could go on. They really work!

Excellent book until one gets to the final chapter titled "The Next Generation" written by Adele Faber's daughter. A more apt title for this chapter is "How to Negotiate with your Children... and Erase any Boundaries between Parents and their Children."I took to heart everything Adele Faber suggested to talk with and listen to my child better. Her suggestions have worked and our child seems much happier, talkative and her confidence has gone up, as well as ours as parents. We are in a much better place as a family then where we were before we read this book.However, it will be a cold day in h*ll before I implement Faber's daughter's suggestions. There will not be a table manner compromise 3xs a week as a solution where we all elect to eat with our hands instead because our child doesn't like using utensils. We will model how to use them; we will encourage her and we will let her know that our values as a family is that we have polite table manners whether we are at home eating at our own dinner table or elsewhere.Faber's daughter's description of agreeing to "wait in the car" and miss her mother-in-law's funeral because her "tomboy" daughter refused to dress in appropriate attire for the formality of the event is also insane and a non-starter.I took particular offense at her use of the descriptor "tomboy" which like "sensitive" to describe a boy is outmoded, ignorant and offensive. Kids, like people, are who they are and like what they like and those interests are not defined or influenced by either gender.Our daughter is a girl who likes tie dyed t-shirts and leggings, but, when it's time for her to attend formal events she chooses either a dress or a dressy pants suit, i.e., appropriate clothes. She gets a choice on type of outfit but not on the formality of it. By doing so, we are still sensitive to her feelings and giving her some autonomy, but she also understands that she's the child and we are the parents; our family's values and our boundaries. We are not and never will be coequals that take a vote as a family like we are the UN either on family vacations my husband and I pay for or how we decorate the common areas of our home whose mortgage we pay . Absurd.There's nothing wrong with setting firm boundaries with our children, clear expectations and give limitless love, encouragement and Faber's version of positive praise. More than anything, that's what kids want and its our job to give that to them.I hope future editions omit "The Next Generation." Truthfully, Faber's suggestions were commonsense and tested over 30 years successfully and they don't need any updating or input from "The Next Generation."

Book has a lot of info and has places to write/fill out responses to help you and to go back to read at later time without re-reading entire book

I recommend this book to all current or aspiring parents to read, especially those who have toddlers and have some trying times in the future. There's a nice workbook area in each chapter which is so handy so you can truly work out your own thoughts/feelings throughout to get practice on it all. Plus there's real-life scenarios for things that many of us parent's can relate to which is helpful to bring it into the real world and not just read it and forget about it within the next 10 minutes. It talks a lot about bringing yourself down from those big feelings and allowing your child to feel them, but also helping them work through those feelings themselves.

Best parenting book out there!

This book is full of easy to digest tips about effective 1-1 communication techniques. These techniques should be effective in any relationship - family, work, friends. I'm yet to find a better primer on "how to respectfully communicate about mutual challenges and related feelings" anywhere else.